ajwa

i’m sorry, but it’s time i focus on myself now

i need to move on from feeling so negative and look at it from a positive perspective. of course losing you wasn’t the best part of all this, but the outcomes have affected me severely:

you wanted me to continue being a positive person towards others and i did | i was nominated for the “Good Vibes Award” at my high school and won. people told me i was an inspiration to them and i kept them motivated to do more and i was always so cheerful even though i was having a hard time at home etc. 

you wanted me to continue with my education, and i did | i graduated high school with honors and an overall gpa of 3.83. i got into the nearest state university and have completed a semester so far. (this semester is a headache but it’s okay)

you wanted me to smile through the tough times and so far, i can say that overall, i have. i’ve tried to see past the issues and look at the positive side to everything like you’ve told me to. you said to smile smile smile because nothing should be giving me a hard time and i should always remember that things happen for a reason. i love you.

you wanted me to meet new people, i have | i’ve met a long list of people throughout the year who share the same interests and have lots of interesting things going on in their lives. i’ve met people of all kinds who share their cultures and beliefs and express their feelings to me as if we’ve known each other for years. these people have all helped me, whether it was a good ending or bad, but i’ve learned what people are truly like and sometimes, it’s just best to know.

you wanted me to be an outgoing person and enjoy nature and take pictures, i have | i have a whole album dedicated to photography, as if you were still here and it’s helped me get through during the day. i go on road trips and play music that you would enjoy sharing with me. i used to cry listening to them at first, but i’ve flipped perspectives and tried to see it as a good thing. as if you were the one singing the songs and speaking to me through the lyrics. i miss you so much.

i know you’ve told me to never doubt myself or feel like i haven’t done enough to help you, but i always feel like i could’ve done more. i’m sorry. i try my best now to speak to those who are having issues and let them know that it’s important to talk to people about something that’s bothering them before things get out of hand and i try my best to help them through but i can’t be there for everyone i tell myself, but sometimes i just feel the need to stay and help, it’s the least i can do. 

unfortunately i get hurt in the end.

but that’s not the point, i just want you to know that i’ve changed, i’m a newer version of the person i used to be. you’ve helped shape me through this process and i’m on the path to becoming a better person with a career and mindset planned ahead. you’ve left a great mark on me and i’ll never regret meeting you. you’ve completely changed my outlook on life and i’m glad i had the chance to be a part of your life, and you a part of mine.

i will forever love and remember you. take care, wherever you are.