ajwa

the more i see a certain person, place or thing, the more i want to avoid them.

i don’t know if that’s normal. i’m sure it’s not. but something about being always with them or seeing them all the time makes me want to take a break and give them space. i don’t want to be too adapted to them and i don’t want to get too used to them because i never know when they’ll be gone. i don’t like getting caught up in the moment and i don’t want to be caught up about a feeling when/if they leave. it’s just the way i’ve adapted to losing people in my life. and i’ve lost a lot of people i thought i could still be in contact with today. from family to friends and memories and places etc. i don’t want to experience a loss in the way i’ve done before so i just live the way i’m living now by not giving my full effort in certain people or things because i don’t know when i’ll see them or ever hear from them again. there’s certain people i still want in my life forever and i can never just avoid them completely so they’re in no way being avoided but when it comes to friends i hardly talk to. it’s like, they’re there but not really there. i don’t know if that makes sense.

give your full attention when it’s reciprocated and don’t waste your time thinking about what the future has coming for you and them, because you don’t know what’s there. just live the moment and be grateful for having them in that time. don’t take it for granted and just enjoy it while it’s there.

4:00 am