ajwa

i’m trying to understand what the heck is wrong with me because i can’t seem to stop myself from checking up on you, even when you’re not there for me.

you’re never on my side, you never seem to care anyway, but i constantly push myself closer to you, expecting you to do the same for me.

but you don’t.

so why do i still go on, why do i keep on with my effort, waiting for you to reciprocate the effort back. why do i want you to stay, why don’t i just push you away?

you’re just you and there’s nothing i could change. why does it matter anyway? no matter how much i would want you to be a different person, you’re never going to do that. you don’t really care anyway.

it’s useless effort at this point. you don’t care. so why do i?