ajwa

not sure what it is but i’ve been waiting for approval from myself in everything that i’m doing. i need that constant reassurance that what i’m doing is good for me or not. and that whether what i’m doing is worth it or just wasting my time. 

it’s almost like i can’t do anything without considering it’s effects and consequences. 

rather than just living life and taking chances, i’ve been cautious about everything i do. which is good you might think. but it has its downfalls. i’m afraid to try anything now because i’m afraid of what the outcome might be.

it’s come to a point where i’ve stopped myself from doing anything, including posting my writings, because i’m not sure what it’s going to do for me later. 

but it shouldn’t have to be this way. why am i so afraid? why am i not doing things just to do it? i’m not sure. but we’ll figure it out.