ajwa

i’m not as strong as i make myself out to be.

i need help too. i need my family and friends. i need their love and support.

but they’re not always there for me.

i’ve grown so used to them being gone that i’ve learned to rely on myself instead. but it’s becoming too lonely, and it’s starting to have a negative effect on me.

i feel useless, vulnerable to making mistakes and not correcting them, going with the flow and it feels wrong. something’s wrong. and i’m not sure what it is. it feels like i’ve lost connection with the most important people in my life. and i want to know why. i always want to know why. but there’s not always a reason. it just happens to be that everyone went missing from my life as soon as i needed them.

i’m there for them but why is no one ever there for me?

i’m tired of being the only one who puts effort. the only one who still tries to make things work between us. i’ve had enough of this. back and forth and trying all the time just for nothing good to happen. i want to be the one who good things come to. i don’t want to keep waiting forever.

when will good come to me next and how long do i need to wait before then? please be soon because i can’t wait much longer.