there’s a weight that comes with starting again. something heavy that comes with trying again and again. from the moments i let fear decide for me. i’ve been let down before, by people, by dreams, by myself. i held too tight, by the version of myself that was too afraid to take a chance.
but i can’t let this keep happening.
life isn’t going to wait for me to figure it all out. the clock keeps ticking, time keeps running out, and i’m left with an echo in the back of my mind that whispers what if you tried?
i’ve spent too long letting the fear of failing hold me back. too long to be acting like staying safe is the same as being happy. it’s not. there’s been no progress because it’s all been worrying about what could go wrong. but staying still and making no progress has it’s own kind of pain. the kind that only gets worse and worse the longer you wait to make any progress. in the moments i wonder how far i could’ve gone if only i had taken the chance.
this time, i want to make that effort. this time, i want to say yes.
yes to the things that scare me. yes to the dreams that i’ve avoided because i was afraid. yes to doing what i love, even if the path feels uncertain. i’ve carried enough doubt for a lifetime, now i want to try again.
in doing so, i’ll find myself opening up to opportunities i otherwise would have missed. i’ve only just started pursuing the things i love, but in this new role i’ve taken on, i feel like stepping into a version of myself i’ve always hoped to meet. someone confident, capable, and unafraid to chase after what i know i deserve.
it only means trying new things and not being afraid to take on new beginnings. the people i’ve met along the way remind me of the importance in connection. in surrounding myself with those who inspire and uplift me. and staying away from those who like to beat you down and want the worse for you.
having people around you can bring out the best in you. but it doesn’t mean you need to be surrounding by people, every, single, time. it’s okay to be alone. sometimes being alone is what we need.
because when i’m alone, i’m not lonely. i’ve learned to love the quiet spaces. the moments where i can just be. where i can think and be still. where the world around me pauses long enough for me to sit with my thoughts and realize how unaffected i am in the silence. how meaningless the world is when it comes to the decisions i want to make.
i no longer look back on the past like it has power over me. it doesn’t. the memories still sit with me, but they no longer make decisions for me. my focus is here now. this time, i’m not afraid. i’m not holding back anymore. i’m choosing to trust myself and to believe that the best is yet to come.
everything good is waiting for me. and for the first time in a long time, i feel ready.
i feel ready to embrace the life unraveling in front of me. a life where i am no longer weighed down by what didn’t work out. where every step i take is filled with hope instead of fear. the fear that once kept me back, no longer has a place here anymore.
this timing is different. it’s built on the foundation of everything i have ever been through. i know that it won’t be easy. but i also know that i no longer consider what others think as much as i used to. i’m finally allowing myself to take chances, to trust that whatever comes next will be worth it. and maybe, this is exactly where i’m meant to be, and the best parts of my life are just getting started.
this is my time, and i’m ready for it.
ajwa 