i’ve lost count of how many times i’ve held onto something too tightly, an idea, a plan, a hope – convinced it was meant to be mine. i told myself that if i just tried hard enough, it would come. and yet there were moments, when things didn’t work out.
there’s a tough feeling to being let down, a feeling i’ve grown too familiar with. it’s like standing in the rain, watching the sky clear for everyone but you. each time, i tried to tell myself it didn’t matter. that maybe it wasn’t written for me.
but deep down, i felt the weight of it. the disappointment, the doubt.
we all go through it, don’t we? this cycle of wanting and waiting. of daring to hope and then questioning why we even did. it’s hard to reconcile the dreams we carry with the reality that unfolds. harder to believe, in the face of it all, that what’s meant for us will find its way to us.
there were times i fell back, moments when i wondered if patience was worth the effort of waiting for something special. if having tawakkul and trusting Allah’s plans was a way of coping with the unknown.
but then i think about the moments that came after. the times when after the long wait, something bigger happened. something i didn’t realize until it was in my hands.
it’s a humbling reminder that i’m not in control, even though i sometimes wish i were. and in that, i found my pieces of peace. not all at once, but slowly. i’ve learned to loosen my grip on things i can’t change and hold on tighter to the belief that there’s a blessing in waiting.
we all have moments when we feel left behind. like our prayers have slipped through and don’t matter. but those are the times we’re meant to trust the most. to tell ourselves that not everything is going to happen now. to believe what may be empty today, might be full tomorrow.
it’s not easy. i always ask myself why not now? but i’ve learned that patience is its own kind of strength and it takes a lot of effort to give hope to something greater than our own understanding.
so here i am, trying to stay firm, trying to believe that the best is yet to come. and if you’re in this place too, just know the weight you carry today, will be planted someday and you will come to realize it was worth it all in the end.
maybe this weight isn’t about the waiting, but about what we become while we wait.
ajwa 